I recently had the opportunity to spend quite some time with a skeptic. To be more precise, a very opinionated skeptic who’s not very good at being supportive either. And very good at criticizing and “busting chops”, as he puts it.
I learned a few things from that brief friendship. First, I was reminded I shouldn’t make assumptions about people or think I have them “figured out” based on very few pieces of information that are available to me. I did that. I do that a lot. I guess it’s my very objective mind that wants to organize and categorize everything and everyone so I’ll “know” (yeah, right) what to expect. Because this person was into yoga, I said to myself “great! he’s probably a very spiritual person”. Wrong.
The second thing I was reminded of is that yoga in the West is mostly a physical practice. Absolutely no judgment here. To each their own. That’s how it started for me, and so many other people I know. A lot of people practice yoga to get those great arms and perky butts – I guess these are nice “side effects”, but to me yoga opened so many doors in such short time that now I have a hard time viewing it as a purely physical practice. Ram Dass mentioned in one of his books that his guru, Neem Karoli Baba, told him once that yoga was not practiced in the West. That was back in the 70’s when yoga was a growing movement around here. RD replied, confused, that a lot of people were practicing yoga in the West. But Neem Karoli Baba didn’t consider that yoga – that was just Asana (the physical part of yoga). However, like RD, I agree that Asana can be a gateway. We each have our own path and our own pace.
So, back to my skeptic friend, within a few weeks, I found every single belief I so dearly held on to being questioned. Everything. From meditation practice to the style of yoga I teach, to the amount of training I had, to the value of pranayama and so on. Even lavender oil, which I love, was questioned. Lavender oil, people! How innocent is that?
It was not easy. Mainly because I now surround myself with like minded/ kind people who are very supportive of anything I decide to do, even if they don’t participate in it.
I found myself getting angry and restless. The conversations grew tense and unpleasant. I felt more and more that I had to prove my point or defend my position. And that led to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Then, I started to question it all. Am I a good enough teacher? Did I have enough training? Do I dedicate enough time to Yoga? Can I even be called a teacher if I only do it part time? Is meditation really helping me, if I am still losing my temper and getting anxious? Have I changed as much as I believe I have? I even thought about quitting teaching!
I had a few pretty hard days going through all that. And I realized how fragile my beliefs are. How easy it is for me to lose my cool, get off my center, lose my balance. I guess if a person is very, very secure, other people’s opinions don’t shake them so much. I am not in that category, though.
The great news is that I had a chance to review a lot of the concepts, practices and beliefs I have. From time to time we need to do it. We need someone or something to shake our tree, some strong wind to blow, otherwise our practice becomes stale. When everything is OK and everyone is in agreement it’s so easy to keep going. There are no obstacles, life is just so comfortable.
I am a devotee of Ganesh, the elephant headed Hindu god that’s on the picture representing my blog (and in my car, my altar, my front table, my side table, my desk, my book shelf, behind my door…). Ganesh is known to be the remover of obstacles, but I was once told he may also place obstacles on our way, because they may be needed. I consider this experience one of those needed obstacles. Was I going to stop and turn back? Or get stuck complaining about the obstacle? Or try to overcome it?
Today, I feel more committed to my practice than ever. I love my yoga community, my practice, my challenges, my journey and, like Ram Dass says, everything I encounter, good or bad, is just grist for the mill. Oh, and yesterday I got a gift from a business associate: a box with a lavender pillow, two lavender candles and an eye mask. Lovely gift. One of the lavender candles is burning right now.
Curious to hear from you guys, whether you had similar experiences and how you reacted (or not) to them.
The Cosmic Yes 
Beautifully written! I agree that it is always good to exam our beliefs, always examing so that we are always really living what we truly believe, and not going through the motions. Being able to articulate what we hold dear to other people is a fine way to do the deep exploration that IS a yoga practice. So, as a teacher of mine says, “When you see everything as an opportunity to learn, you cannot loose!”, so being challenged by a “skeptic” we have a chance to draw even closer to things we feel in our hearts.
Oh boy, December was a month where we all had our tree shook, one way or the other. where we questioned ourselves. It is an opportunity to make us clear and stonger. i love how you explained this. keep em coming friend.
I’m very new as a yoga teacher, but I’ve experienced something similar as a writer. For the past 10 years, I’ve written extensively about love, sex, and relationships, and a lot of what I’ve written has been personal in nature. And probably 99% of it has been published online, vulnerable to the onslaught of The Anonymous Commenters. I’ve had my character questioned. I’ve had my life choices questioned. I’ve had the stability of my marriage questioned. I’ve had my abilities as a writer questioned. And all of this has led to what I refer to as Impostor Syndrome. I let these people and their negativity affect me in such a way that I start to question everything about myself.
But there are several things one needs to remind themselves when they find themselves falling prey to such negativity:
1. This person is not the leading authority on Life, the Universe, and Everything.
2. This person does not know me, or my whole story. They’ve seen just the slightest sliver of me. The black and white. Not the shades of grey.
3. For every relentlessly cruel comment, there are usually scores more that are positive, grateful, and/or supportive. They’re just easy to forget because negative people are so darn good at being so darn loud.
As you say, you’re surrounded by lots of people who are supportive of all that you do, whether or not they fully understand it themselves. There’s a reason for that. Trust in THAT.
I know it’s easy to slide back into Impostor Syndrome. It happens to be all the time. But you’re living your life in a true and authentic way, and that’s the best way to be. When you feel yourself slipping and self-doubting, remind yourself of all of this.
p.s. It can also help to keep a “warm fuzzies” folder, filled with personal messages that have warmed your heart, They can be a fantastic restorative at times like these.
Hey, Steph, thanks for such a great comment. You’re right, I can have 10 people rooting for me, but then one person tries to undermine my self-confidence and that’s all it takes for me to put my tail between my legs and feel awful about myself. Love the idea of the warm fuzzies folder!
Loved this and looking forward to many more posts zactly like this one! My greatest critic is my greatest supporter in one, my husband. He once told our marriage counselor “sure she’s taking a yoga teacher traiing but she’ll never teach an actaul yoga class.” I took that comment as a challenge. Those skeptics can be so helpful, huh?
Yep! They indeed shake our trees! Love you, sister.
Hi Teresa, we need skeptics, lots of them. They act as mirrors, they can either strengthen you or break you. When you emerge stronger than your critics, you have made your mark. Sometimes, the way of the spiritual warrior is just by staying calm even when the storm is in full force around you. When you engage a skeptic in a discussion no one wins. Both parties think they are right. My husband who says he is not spiritual often makes this statement when he sees me perturbed by something or someone, ” do you want to be right or do you want to be happy ” ? He adds to this question this explanation, ” if you want to be right then continue to argue, if you want to be happy then let it go “. Skeptics when won over makes the truest believers. A big smile and sometimes a hug as well also helps. Love makes the world go around and around.
Thanks, Lena! Beautifully said!